Tulsa, OK

Summer means fleas, so we decided it was time to bathe all animals; cats and dogs. We only have two of each, so, it should be no problem right? No. It turns out washing just four small furry animals is an all day process. Not to mention messy and exhausting.

I mentioned maybe writing about the experience for this blog, and my Mom remembered this story she wrote a long time ago (1987). So, I thought I would share “How to Bathe a Cat by Chery Dewbre”.

Why should anyone want to bathe a cat? Well, cats get fleas just like dogs. there are several ways to rid your cat of these pests; however, none are more exciting than to give the flea-infested feline a bath.

There are a few items you will need to perform this particular art; flea soap, four large towels, one cat brush, one hair dryer, bandages, hopsital emergency room number, and one cat- preferably yours, but a neighbor’s cat will do in a pinch.

Once you have the cat in hand, approach the sink or bathtub where the bath is to take place. It is never advisable to bathe the cat outside, as the mischievous feline will run away the first chance he gets and spoil your day of fun. When the cat is in the tub, turn on the water. After you have stopped screaming, peel the cat off the top of your head. Now, take a firm grip around the cat’s body and attempt to place hime under the running water. It is easier to place the cat into a tub of standing water, but this method lacks challenge for the devoted cat bather; the running water method also allows the cat to exercise his teeth and claws, and to show just how strong and agile he really is.

Upon returning from the hospital emergency room, retrieve the cat from under the bed. This feat requires extra long arms, or the aid of an apprentice cat bather. Apprentices are never hard to find as everyone in the family is eager to learn this most rewarding skill. Have your new apprentice hold the cat’s legs and place the cat into the tub of water. Ignore the apprentice’s screams and remember he is just a novice in the art of cat bathing. Now that the cat, you, and your apprentice are all thoroughly wet, apply the soap to the cat and work up a good lather. Next, rinse with running water. Don’t bother to test the water to see if it is too hot or too cold; the cat will let you know if it is not of a suitable temperature.

After returning from your second visit to the hospital emergency room, relocate the cat. He will probably be under the bed again. When you have the cat in hand, throw two or three of the towels under the bed to soak up the water puddled there. Wrap the remaining towel around the cat, and dry off the excess water. Next use the cat brush and brush all knots and lint which he picked up while under the bed out of the cat’s fur. Now it is time to dry the cat.

This step must be performed as quickly as possible so as not to frighten the helpless little cat. Place the hair dryer setting on high, and set the dryer to one side of the cat so he cannot see it. Now take a firm grip on the cat’s collar or the loose skin at the back of the neck - the cat’s neck, not yours. Turn on the hair dryer. It is interesting to watch at this time how one small, timid house cat can transform himself into a raging tiger at the first sound, let alone the touch of, the hair dryer.

After returning from the hospital emergency room again - note: It is normal to know every doctor and nurse by his or her first name by now - relocate the cat. He is most likely completely dry, but check just to be sure. The cat is probably still in a playful mood, but don’t be overly cautious in handling him as your bandages will be sufficient protection from any little nips or scratches.

Congratulations! The cat is now free of fleas. Be sure to call the doctor and thank him for his aide in this most delightful past-time. Don’t forget to congratulate him on his newly acquired Porsche; after all, you paid for it.

The next time your cat has fleas, remember to give him a bath. It is a delightful and relaxing way for you and your cat to spend the day.

While our efforts were not as colorful (no er trips for us) or entertaining, they were completely exhausting. By the time we were finished, I needed a bath as much as the animals had needed one.

cats, bath, emergency room, apprentice, fleas, feline